Maria Bamford's memoir is called "Sure, I'll Join Your Cult," but the comedian, actor and Duluth native easily could have called it "Let's Talk About Everything."
Bamford's humor has always been personal, and that's true of her very funny, very frank book, subtitled "A Memoir of Mental Illness and the Quest to Belong Anywhere." In it, the star of "Lady Dynamite" and voice-over artist on "BoJack Horseman" and dozens of other shows tells us: how often she and her husband have sex, her fee for stand-up gigs, what bugged her about her late parents and how she views religion — in addition to detailing experiences with groups from her childhood Suzuki violin lessons to Debtors Anonymous to eating-disorder clinics.
Use these guides to explore the fair
Expanding on themes she discussed in a now-famous New York Times profile, the book is hilarious but also could be enormously helpful. When Bamford writes, for instance, "I've always been the one who attracts ninety-days-sober alcoholics with anger-management problems and men who have recently lost a hundred pounds and need support buying sweaters," it's easy to relate to. And it helps us understand when she goes further, with, for instance, this brutal, compassionate sentence: "If I or anyone else dies of suicide because of whatev's haunted house is in their head, I just want to celebrate that I or you or anyone else was out there crushing and grinding for as long as we could."
Out Sept. 5, "Sure" finds Bamford, 52, willing to discuss just about anything — although she says she tries, with varying success, not to reveal too much about others who have their own stories to tell. This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.
Q: Do you get back to Duluth much?
A: The last time I was there my father died, about six months ago or so. So that blows. But I'm sure I will be there soon. My sister lives there and some of the kids live nearby, so we'll be back. I love Duluth, I love Duluth, I love Duluth!
Q: Are there must-dos when you're there?
A: I like to go down to Lake Superior and, if possible, I would like to jump inside of it. I'm a little less able to jump in quickly because I'm old, so I wade in slowly. I love the Zenith Bookstore and the used bookstore on Superior Street — I'm going to get the name wrong [Gabriel's]. Duluth has a lot of fancy places now. You can get a salad there.
Q: It's State Fair time in Minnesota. Any tips for fairgoers?
A: Do not work as a costumed character. I auditioned to be Gedney, the Minnesota pickle. I got a callback and I have to tell you, the pickles from prior seasons had tales to tell. It's 125 degrees in that pickle costume and because you now seem like an object, people will chase you. It's dangerous. You've got to run back to your Kia Rio and hope they lose interest in chasing you in your costume because you can't take it off and lose the mystery.
Q: When you wrote this book, did you have an ideal reader in mind?
A: I think it was me. I hoped it would be funny. I tried to make myself laugh and sometimes I lost my own interest in the writing of the book. Hopefully, you can't tell where those parts are.
Q: Usually, when you're being funny, it's in a comedy club, with an audience. Was it harder to do it without real life laughs?
A: It's very quiet when you are tip-tip-typing by yourself. It's no fun. I really like a live crowd, so I had to get some needs met by having friends listen to me read it out loud, to see what worked. The added cash I provided created a power struggle where they felt uncomfortable if they didn't laugh. Fear makes people laugh, it turns out.
Q: And the money likely freaks them out, as well. Is your writing about it a way to acknowledge your privilege?
A; Yes. I don't have any wisdom about money. I'm sure I'm spending it poorly and doing all sorts of things that are unbecoming but, yeah, I like to tell people who are working for me [what I make], so they know what they're earning as opposed to what I am. So they can negotiate for themselves if they feel what I'm paying is unfair. Also, it's interesting to find out what people make. Like what are you making for writing this article? I'm making zero for this interview, but I was paid $150,000 for this book deal but have only received $90,000 so far.
Q: Was it tricky to get the tone right, given that you're covering grim subjects but also wanting to make readers laugh?
A: I tried to, you know, not be maudlin but also be sincere but also be funny, which I don't know if it worked. If you're on the fence about me already, feel free to peruse the book all the way through at the Barnes & Noble or the unique independent bookstore in your neighborhood.
Q: The last chapter, "Obligatory Suicide Disclaimer," takes on a really tough subject.
A: I have known several people who died of suicide or have attempted suicide and I've definitely wanted to commit suicide. I think every chronic illness is tiresome to everyone. No one wants to hear about the situation you have going on. Americans want to hear about strength to strength. Not me. Please tell me where everything is about to cave in.
Q: Did you have a message you wanted to get across about suicide?
A: You have to have empathy for people and for yourself. If you're not into talking about it, pull out. Abandon ship. But don't tell somebody, "I don't want to hear you ever again talk about being depressed." We have to be able to talk about suicide in order to have any level of prevention.
Q: That's a message throughout the book: Talk about stuff more.
A: Yes. I was just talking about comedians who are registered sex offenders. They continue to tour, so we know where they are. But what would be so great is if they could talk about where those behaviors came from and what they're doing to amend that behavior. I love this about the recovery community: You can come from the depths of monstrous behavior and someone else has also been there.
Q: Is it helpful to you to talk about all of this stuff?
A: I think not being alone with something is the one thing we can all do, and you don't have to professionalize it. You can talk to someone on the bus. It may not be quality conversation but sometimes you can get eye contact with someone at a coffee shop and that is a way of healing. I try to get my mental health needs met through what's in front of me. If I say "hi" to everyone in the neighborhood, even if they don't say "hi" back, it's good for me. I try to keep connecting, whatever that looks like.
Where to find help
Families can find mental health information and resources for crisis care on NAMI Minnesota's website, namimn.org. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988. You also can text HOME to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Text Line counselor.
Sure, I'll Join Your Cult
By: Maria Bamford.
Publisher: Gallery, 288 pages, $28.99.
