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Let's go to the mailbox and see if any non-celebs with no discernible talent are getting pictures written on their skin in permanent ink. Hey! We're in luck. It's a letter from . . . the Discovery network? Didn't they used to be about science and whales and space and interesting things that required at least 17 functioning cerebral neurons?

Okay! Great! Here you go. Anything for American's Sweetheart. Next on Discovery: Kate Gosselin's ex-husband gets pectoral implants!