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Q I don't usually get the result I'm looking for when working with others, and I was recently told by my boss that I don't know how to influence others effectively. What can I do?
A Influencing depends on knowing what motivates others, communicating in a way that they'll respond to, and knowing when and how to negotiate.
The inner game
To become more effective, assess the gap between your skills and your desired outcome. First, understand your goal in terms of the results you'd like to be achieving with others, and be sure that you're setting goals that are collaborative, not "my way or the highway." Also understand more deeply the style of influencing that is most effective within your organization's culture.
Move on to consideration of your skills. To what extent do you think about the motivations of those you seek to influence? Likewise, how deeply do you analyze others' communication styles in order to reach them effectively?
If these are new ideas to you, do some reading on building emotional intelligence and on communication styles.
On the other hand, if you're aware of these dynamics but lack the skills to act on them, do some self-assessment and get more feedback on your current level of skill from others.
Finally, you may have other barriers to being an effective influencer. For example, you may feel that adapting your communication style to others is manipulative or insincere. These feelings will limit your effectiveness in accomplishing shared goals.
Compare these adaptations to using learning styles. A teacher who reaches students using a variety of strategies isn't seen as manipulative. Nor should you be when tailoring the form and content of information you provide to others' preferences. Likewise, you may feel that negotiating is giving in. If so, come to terms with the idea of compromise as a route to greater effectiveness.
The outer game
Practice developing deeper insight into those you seek to influence before putting it into action. Select a recent situation in which you were less effective than you'd like, for example, not being able to influence the direction of a project. Then consider the following questions, thinking about how insights from these questions may have changed your handling of the situation:
•What is important to others in decisions made about the project?
•What concerns might others have had?
•What broader considerations are at play?
•How do the others involved with the project generally make decisions?
•How do they like to receive information?
Once you've practiced, prepare for a new situation. Prior to a discussion, consider the key people involved and how you'll anticipate their concerns, provide the information they need, and give them the ability to have a win-win outcome. Then critique your performance, not to beat yourself up but to be able to continue to improve.
Get support for this change from others, including your boss. Continue to learn by observing others who are effective in this realm, possibly asking for mentoring from someone particularly skilled.
The last word
Influencing comes down to understanding others, communicating effectively, and negotiating outcomes -- skills that will carry over more broadly both personally and professionally.
