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Sometimes the need to get away with friends doesn't hit you until you're there.
It was 1 a.m. on a Thursday when my girlfriends and I found ourselves poolside on a Mexican island, belting out tunes during a private and impromptu karaoke party at our Airbnb. A tinny wireless speaker propped up on a lounge chair piped out the playlist of our lives. The Caribbean crashed along the rocks some 50 yards away. We danced under the moon.
And I knew in my bones that this moment, part of an epic five-day sleepover, was good for our friendships — and for our health.
My recent moms' trip to Isla Mujeres underscored two life-changing takeaways for me:
No. 1. If you can, get the hell outta Dodge and go south in February. It breaks up the unforgiving drumbeat of a Minnesota winter, and your body and your brain will thank you for the unexpected splash of vitamin D.
No. 2. Don't feel guilty about hanging out with your friends.
Something we learn as early as kindergarten is that forging social bonds with our peers is good for us. Into junior high, we were blessed with the gift of time — through slumber parties and two-hour phone calls — to get to know our friends well. But as we age into our 30s and 40s, becoming tethered to family and work obligations, many of us haven't prioritized friendship.
The COVID-19 pandemic worsened our epidemic of loneliness, with nearly half of Americans saying they have three or fewer close friends, according to a 2021 survey. About 12% said they have no close friendships, compared with just 3% from 1990.
We're conditioned to place romantic relationships at the top of the food chain of human connection. We also adhere to adages like "family comes first." But in many ways, friendships are a more powerful protector than romantic partners or family.
Study after study show the potency of adult friendships: They are a strong predictor of well-being, both mentally and physically. Researchers who've studied the science of friendship say it's just as important as nutrition and exercise. Older adults who have supportive friends tend to live longer than those who have fewer connections.
A six-year study of more than 700 middle-aged men in Sweden discovered that having friends reduced their risk of heart problems. Having a life partner did not.
A 2006 study of nearly 3,000 nurses with breast cancer found that women with 10 close friends had four times the chance of surviving than those who had no friends.
"More surprisingly, a husband had zero impact," writes Eric Barker, author of "Plays Well With Others: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Relationships Is (Mostly) Wrong."
My band of mujeres came together through circumstance: We all have boys who befriended one another at school. The moms started a group text after one of us was diagnosed with breast cancer just as the pandemic got underway. Maybe the pressure of the two Big C's — COVID and cancer — created a diamond. I gained eight new friends whom I can now call in any emergency. Long after the world opened up, the group chat is still thriving. These women make me laugh literally daily.
But even the tightest of text groups need in-person interaction. Last year, on the second anniversary of my friend's diagnosis, we celebrated in Palm Springs. It was a collective flip of the bird to the Big C's. Just as important, these two trips deepened our friendships. We appreciated one another's hidden gifts, whether it was fluency in Spanish or parallel parking in a golf cart. We learned each other's favorite songs, phobias and quirks. Without kids to tend to or strict bedtimes, we could settle into deeper conversation and show vulnerability.
Moms in particular think they never have the time, or that a girls' getaway is somehow indulgent. We may worry that our households could not possibly carry on without us. That's not fair to us, or to our partners.
When my 5-year-old came down with the norovirus on my first night in Mexico, my husband did what I would have done — he cleaned up the bedsheets, treated the fever and stayed home with a sick kid. Everyone survived, and it gave me permission to step away for other opportunities, without the guilt.
Which is why our next moms' trip is already blocked off for 2024. Our very health depends on it.
