Please enjoy the third installment of the soon-to-be-legenary Clearance Clarence. These are pure and undistilled thoughts from the mind of commenter Clarence Swamptown. As per usual, his views on local architecture and other things don't necessarily coincide with those of the Star Tribune or your proprietor. Clarence?
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- My grandmother is a devout Lutheran, Democrat, and Packers fan. She has pictures of four men on her wall:
1. Grandpa
2. Jesus
3. Franklin Delano Roosevelt
4. Brett Favre
On Thanksgiving day my grandmother told me that she is now a Vikings fan because of Brett Favre. She is no longer a Packers fan. I told her that she cannot switch teams like that – it would be like suddenly saying you are Catholic or a Republican. She said, "I can do whatever the [redacted] I want. Get out of my chair." That is an airtight argument and I had no rebuttal.
- Eavestweeting Department: I like to eavesdrop on the Randballer's Twitter List to find my favorite Randballer tweet of the week. This week's winner is Randball proprietor, Michael Rand, who tweeted this during the most recent Vikings game: "Anyone else getting tired of Walt Coleman and his flag-happy crew?" While I could not disagree with any penalty call in particular, I still agree with Michael. That game took approximately 2,080 hours. I wanted to drive to Minneapolis and take their flags away like I do when my kids act up with a toy, "When you are ready to handle the responsibility of calling penalties, I will give you your flags back. Until then, please sit in the corner and think about how you can behave appropriately." Right or wrong, sometimes referees need to recognize when they are too involved in the game and should keep the flags in their pockets.
- A Little Known Fact About Local Architecture: Michael Rand cannot drive by this building in downtown Minneapolis without making an off-color joke about himself.
- I am a terrible golfer, so I cannot offer any golfing advice to Tiger Woods. But I have been married to a beautiful blond-haired Scandinavian woman for almost 10-years. Like everyone else, I do not know what happened at Tiger's house last week. But If Tiger ever bothered to ask I would have told him that blond-haired Scandinavian wives can get crazy. I am the Butch Harmon of handling that kind of stuff.
- For your viewing pleasure, here are two videos of University of North Dakota hockey coach Dave Hakstol getting punched.
- Country and Western Song of the Week: Dear Nickelback: Scientists have discovered a town in northeast Iowa where everyone cares and shares and swallows their pride. Lots of people die in that town every day. You are full of baloney. If you are going to write a philosophical song, try writing something like this. At least it makes sense.
- The Vikings are 10-1. That is awesome, but I still need to nitpick. Adrian Peterson has some issues. His ankle is obviously hurting. His fumbles were absolved against a decidedly below average Bears team, but fumbles like that may prove deadly in the playoffs. AP is still a home run hitter and deserves a majority of the carries, but who do you want carrying the ball if the Vikings are trying to protect a lead in the playoffs? Implausibly, I think right now the answer may be Chester Taylor. Maybe they need to limit AP's carries for awhile to make sure he has some tread left on the tires for the playoffs, and let Chester Taylor (who will not be here next year) get beat up for a few games instead. The same goes for Antoine Winfield. I would rather be without Winfield at Arizona and lose, than rush him back from injury and win. The Vikings need Antoine Winfield at 100% if they face the Saints in the playoffs.
That's it for another week. Skol Vikings.
