On all three legs of the flight from Minneapolis to Florida in early May, David Foley surprised his mother. He never once pulled out his iPod or computer as he always did. Instead, Denise Foley's 21-year-old son talked to her about his girlfriend and his hopes of teaching children with special needs. Mostly, he talked about how proud he was of his big sister, Denae, who was graduating from Palm Beach Atlantic University with a nursing degree.
"We talked the whole time," Denise said Wednesday, seated in the sun room of her Maple Grove home. "That was a real gift."
Less than a day after the family arrived in Florida for a week-long celebration, David, who was born with a rare kidney disorder, died in his sleep. His grieving family pushed forward as best they could.
"The most poignant struggle for me was, how do we celebrate with our daughter and honor the success she worked so hard for?" Denise, a nurse, said softly. "How do we focus on that instead of, 'David's not coming back?'"
David was born in Alaska but grew up in Maple Grove. At 3 he was diagnosed with Bartters Syndrome, which causes severe weakness, fatigue and vomiting. As a little boy, David, the youngest of three children, more than made up for his physical limitations with an active imagination. In kindergarten, David told his classmates that he owned a biting ferret "with extra long nails" and that Michael Jordan was his grandfather. He adored his older brother, Derek, and sister, Denae, playing dolls with her and allowing her to dress him up.
As he grew, though, the burden of not being like other boys troubled him. "He had some normal times, playing baseball and soccer," Denise said, "but any activity that caused him to become dehydrated was life-threatening."
Still, only his closest friends knew about his health issues, which is the way he wanted it. He quietly downed as many as 30 medications a day and took three or four trips a year to the hospital. Sometimes, his buddies would come over to watch a movie and David, rail thin and 6-foot-one, would fall asleep because of his constant fatigue. They'd cover him with a blanket and leave quietly. He couldn't drive either, having to rely on his parents for transportation.
"He felt so bad not being able to do things that a normal 18- or 19-year-old could do," said Courtney Keefe, his girlfriend of four years, who is now studying public relations at the University of St. Thomas. "We did a lot of movies, dinners, simple, low-key things. We made it work. He was my best friend on top of being my boyfriend. I thought he was the one."
Last summer, the family traveled to Florida for Denae's wedding. Denise calls it "the best week of our lives as a family. It was happy, you know. We weren't focused on being sick."
By last fall, David began to decline. He was passing out frequently. His parents' fears for him intensified. Denise and her husband, Dan, who works in Internet sales, took turns sleeping in their son's room. In early January, David had a heart device implanted. "He was supposed to be getting better," Dan said.
Nothing would keep him from his big sister's graduation. For weeks leading up to the May 9 event, David called his sister "at least 10 times a day," Denae said. He wanted to know what to pack, what they'd do when he was there. "He was hoping to stay and spend the summer with us," Denae said, "because we missed each other so much."
The family left Minneapolis on May 2, and David struggled on every flight. Still, he chatted away with his mom. Denae and her husband, T.J., met the family at the airport near midnight. She gave her brother a huge hug, then drove them home to meet her two yellow labs. Dan made David a grilled cheese sandwich, loaded with ketchup, then told him to go to sleep "so we can have a fun week." David looked at his dad and smiled.
"Since I haven't died already," he told Dan, "I'm going to live forever."
On the morning of May 3, Dan woke up to go golfing, kissing David and whispering, "I'm taking your hat." David never woke up.
Denae, who discovered her brother, had "no desire" to go forward with any of the week's events that she had so excitedly planned. In the end, she managed to participate in a small pinning ceremony for nursing students that Thursday, where she was given a Florence Nightingale lantern and a rose. Instead of a barbecue dinner Friday, they held a small memorial service for their Florida relatives, then left without attending Saturday's graduation.
A celebration of David's life will take place Friday at 1 p.m. at Wayzata Evangelical Free Church, 705 Highway 101 N., in Plymouth.
Denae, who already has found work as a nurse in Florida, is pushing hard to get through every day. "There's no joy," she said. "Not yet. But he was so proud. I knew he would have wanted me to finish."
Gail Rosenblum • 612-673-7350 • gail.rosenblum@startribune.com
