Dear Amy: I am involved with a recently divorced man. "Steve" and I operate a small but very successful business together.
Here's the problem: Steve's 19-year-old daughter works for us. She gets paid for 40 hours a week, even though she works only about 25 hours, at most.
Steve pays her phone bill, gave her a very expensive laptop and bought her a new car. She lives in her boyfriend's house. Her boyfriend's parents own the house, and her rent is way below market price.
If I bring up to Steve that I think we help her too much, I'm the bad guy. Am I wrong in not wanting to help her so much?
I also need to add that I do not get a paycheck, nor do I have any money unless I ask Steve for it. I love him and want to stay, but am I just wasting my time?
Amy says: You criticize Steve's daughter for being entirely dependent on her father, and yet you are, too. You might ask her for tips on how to pry a paycheck out of her father.
Steve's daughter clearly comes first in his mind. If she is entitled and spoiled, then he helped to create this monster, and a monster she will remain — at least for the next few years.
Here's what puzzles me: A lot of the owners of small businesses work for little or no salary to help keep the operation afloat. But according to you, the business you and Steve operate is successful. Your choice to work for free is a true head-scratcher.
You should take a long and careful look at your situation and ask yourself if you are with someone who is controlling the women in his life through money.
Nit picker
Dear Amy: Recently, my family and I attended a church that was not our home parish, and we did not know the members.
The family in front of me was sitting on their pew as I knelt from behind. The position I was in gave me a close-up view of the blond long-haired teenage girl sitting directly below my gaze. She clearly had two lice nits affixed to her hair (shining from the bright overhead lights).
In my experience as a teacher for 37 years, I have encountered this situation numerous times. I would never intentionally embarrass someone by calling attention to something unpleasantly personal, so I chose to say nothing.
Now I wonder if I should have alerted someone. There were five other long-haired girls in the family, and my concern now is that they might become infected, also. What would you have done?
Amy says: I wouldn't have done anything. If you were a dermatologist and noticed a potentially serious growth on the back of a head in the pew in front of you, then you should speak up. But lice aren't a serious threat to life and limb (as you know).
Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.
