Dear Amy: I'm a 65-year-old physician with an immune deficiency, and while for many the pandemic no longer impacts their lives, I still need to consider my risk every day. To quote Michael Osterholm, director of the University of Minnesota's Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy, we're still in the "high plains plateau" of the pandemic, where people are dying of COVID daily.
It's reasonable for lower-risk people to move on. But those of us who still face the concern of a virus that could harm or kill us are more and more isolated.
I'd love to move freely and not feel so judged when I wear a mask, but there are no public spaces that are risk-free for me at this point. There are different realities, and people are really on their own to assess their risk and risk tolerance at this point and for the foreseeable future. It's very stressful. Compassion, acceptance and tolerance are greatly appreciated.
I don't have a question for you, just a request that you spread this message.
Amy says: Thank you for reminding us that for many, the pandemic is not over.
I cannot fathom wondering about or judging anyone's choice to wear a mask. In addition to the real and practical medical reasons for masking, what possible difference could it make to you if someone else wears one?
At this year's Academy Awards ceremony, actress Jessica Chastain (who won the Best Actress award last year) was seen wearing a mask. Her reason? She is currently appearing on Broadway, and she doesn't want to get sick. (Masks not only help to protect against the virus causing COVID, but also help to protect against other airborne viruses.)
There was an outpouring of support on social media for this artist's choice, with many people who still need to mask noting that her example made them feel less alone. I wish the same for you.
Lend, don't give
Dear Amy: I have a niece, "Jane," whom I love and feel very connected to. Around five years ago, Jane reached out to me with an emergency need for several thousand dollars. I didn't hesitate to give it to her, and she was extremely grateful.
Over the years I've given her smaller sums (without her asking), when I've had the sense that she was financially on the edge. Again, she has always been very grateful.
For a variety of reasons, I've decided not to continue to do this. First of all, I know she can make it on her own now. I also recognize that she is making choices that keep her lifestyle where it is. I know that if she wanted to live in a higher income bracket, she is perfectly capable of getting herself there.
Just as I'd decided this, she asked for financial help for the down payment on a house. I can afford to do this, but I'm wondering if I should. What are your thoughts?
Amy says: You don't mention if she ever repaid any of the money you gave her, so I'm assuming that you both saw these as gifts, rather than loans. If you choose to give her money this time, you might set it up as a long-term loan, to be repaid if (or when) she sells the house. Get the terms in writing.
If in the future she comes to you asking for another bailout, you can tell yourself (and her) that the well is dry until the loan is repaid.
Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.
