Dear Amy: I am the maternal grandmother of a sweet, intelligent, 5-year-old boy, "Danny," who, because of divorce, spends time at his paternal grandma's house.
She and I have a good relationship, despite this very-contentious divorce. She is a wonderful grandmother, not only because she is kind, intelligent and empathetic, but also because her career is in education. She's a principal at an elementary school.
I recently discovered that she has not received the COVID-19 vaccine, nor does she have any plans to get it. When I asked her why, she just shrugged and said the pandemic was blown out of proportion.
The rest of the family (the child's parents and myself) all have been vaccinated, so we can feel safe going between homes, but now we have this added situation with Danny spending time with his unvaccinated grandmother.
I told my former son-in-law, thinking that he could deal with his mother (he can't). Now I have no choice but to tell my daughter about this. Once she finds out, she will insist that her son not go there until Grandma and her husband get the vaccine, and she won't hesitate to get the lawyers involved.
A school principal needs to model good behavior, and all of the experts say to get the vaccine. Do we have the right to give her an ultimatum: Vaccinate, or no grandson?
Amy says: You believe this grandmother has a duty to "model good behavior." You do, too. Unless you're leaving out important information, your proposed ultimatum reflects a strange logic.
The way I read your narrative, Danny has been moving between households since before his parents and you were vaccinated. If that is true, then the risk of the child contracting or carrying the virus between households is much lower now than it was pre-vaccination.
Yes, you could tell your daughter that you are upset about this, but, if so, you should urge her to behave rationally and respectfully.
She should ask Danny's pediatrician for a risk-assessment regarding the child spending time in an unvaccinated household. If the doctor suggests that these visits place Danny's health at risk, your daughter should share the physician's written assessment with her ex and suggest that visits be postponed until Danny can receive his vaccination.
Parents must do everything possible to offer the healthiest choices for their children. Talking to a lawyer when you should be talking to a doctor does not represent the healthiest choice.
Pooped by pooch
Dear Amy: I recently retired and got a dog — my first one since childhood. I absolutely adore my little mutt. He is really fun to be with and easy to take care of.
However, I'm a little embarrassed to say that I find the level of everyday attentiveness he requires somewhat exhausting. He's up very early in the morning; I walk him again before bed, and I also want to give him all the attention and playtime he deserves. I've never heard any other dog owners mention this as a problem. Should I just not have a dog?
Any says: I think this probably is a common reaction in the earlier phase of dog ownership. I suggest that you find a nearby "day care" facility for your dog. Check out various places with the same care you would check out preschools.
One or two days a week of freedom from these daytime duties might give you the breather you need, as well as a new set of pals for your dog.
Send Ask Amy questions via e-mail to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribpub.com.
