School treatment can affect life with allergies Your peanut-allergic daughter suddenly feels embarrassed by her allergy. How can you help her cope?
Sadly, her embarrassment might be stemming from her treatment at school, says elementary school social worker Judy Freedman, author of "Easing the Teasing."
"There is a disturbing trend that many children who cannot eat certain foods are teased," she says. "According to a study published in the Annals of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology, about 35 percent of children over 5 with food allergies have experienced bullying, teasing or harassment."
Freedman says an in-class presentation on food allergies is an important first step in ending -- or preventing -- teasing. The website for the Food Allergy and Anaphylaxis Network (www.foodallergy.org) offers a free downloadable program called "Be a PAL: Protect a Life From Food Allergies," designed to help parents and schools launch just such classroom presentations.
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Tips for handling teens Children are easy. But teens? That's another story. Here's how to deal with the hard-to-please contingent of not-quite-adults:
Don't try to be their friend. Adults often think that acting like a cool buddy will win a teenager over, but that's a mistake. Teens already have friends. They also can sense when you're being inauthentic. "If you are cool, be yourself, but if you are a 48-year-old engineer who is really dorky, then be a 48-year-old engineer who is really dorky," said Josh Shipp, author of "The Teen's Guide to World Domination." "They will respect you, and they will trust you."
Admit your flaws. When you try to act perfect, teens shut down. They relate to you better if you describe ways in which you have screwed up, and how you've learned from them, be it the trauma of your first heartbreak or the rejection of your college applications.
Back up what you say. If you tell teens not to smoke cigarettes but they see you lighting up, you lose all credibility. "Do as I say, not as I do" might work with younger kids, but teens will lose respect and likely ignore you.
Let them fail. Teens need to learn how to deal with failure so that they'll be prepared when you're no longer around to come to the rescue. So if you witness a teen being a jerk to someone, it's not your job to apologize; it's the teen's job. "Do you encourage them to do it? Yes. Do you coach them through it? Absolutely. Do you fix it for them? No," Shipp said.
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