CRAIG'S LIST
The joy of going 12-3 picking NFL winners last week was simply too exciting.
So we celebrated.
We leapt inches into the air — pausing long enough to do an interview in which we said "Ain't none y'all readers believed in us!" — before coming down awkwardly.
We limped away. However, unlike the celebrating Lions linebacker Stephen Tulloch, we haven't been placed on injured reserve. We were told to rest, to take short, deliberate baby steps and not to push too hard. Sort of like the Vikings running game.
Now, here are some predictions that include potential celebrating mishaps:
ATL -3 at MIN
Falcons 28, Vikings 17
Judges throughout Hennepin County throw their backs out playing too much golf now that Jerome Simpson and his hookah pipe are gone.
MIA -4 vs. OAK
Dolphins by 7
Derek Carr throws out a shoulder patting his back for, um, "scaring" another team that beats his team.
GB -1½ at CHI
Bears by 3
Jared Allen should stay healthy now that he no longer has any reason to squat down and pretend to rope a calf.
BUF +3 at HOU
Texans by 6
Ryan Fitzpatrick pulls something doing a backflip after the right team catches one of his passes.
TEN +7½ at IND
Colts by 10
Andrew Luck breaks a pinkie high-fiving the schedule-maker for Jacksonville followed by Tennessee.
CAR +3½ at BAL
Ravens by 3
Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti strains a vocal cord humming the ESPN jingle while wiping the mud off his three-game winning streak.
DET -1½ at NYJ
Jets by 3
Lions coach Jim Caldwell strains a cheek muscle smiling when officials remind him he actually gets three points for kicks that go between those two yellow poles.
TB +7½ at PIT
Steelers by 6
Fifty-two Buccaneers pinch a nerve shrugging their shoulders and saying "big whoop" when told Josh McCown can't start.
JAX +13 at SD
Chargers by 10
Every person in every suicide pool in every country in the world breaks a finger clicking on "Anyone playing the Jaguars."
PHI +5½ at SF
49ers by 3
The Eagles won't celebrate or even wake up until the 49ers go up 17-0. The 49ers won't fall apart or asleep until the Eagles go down 17-0.
NE -3 ½ at KC
Patriots by 7
New England doesn't celebrate excessively. The game plan looks more like this: 1, Patriots win. 2, Reporters blab for six days about "What's wrong with the Patriots?!" 3, The Patriots win again.
UPSET SPECIAL
NO -3 at DAL
Cowboys 34, Saints 31
Members of the marching band sprain ankles scrambling off the field when the Saints tell them there is no "D" in Dallas.
Record: Last week/overall: 12-3/ 24-21.
Vs.spread: Last week/overall: 8-7/17-28.
Vikings picks: 2-1.
Upset special picks: 0-3.
