The in-laws have fundamentally different views on issues you feel strongly about. Is it OK to argue with them in front of the kids?
Your in-laws might be your kids' first exposure to bigotry (or veganism or libertarianism or whatever philosophy to which you're objecting). But they most certainly won't be the last.
"A big part of your job in raising your kids is to provide them with the skills and moral foundation to take in and process disparate forms of information -- and to synthesize their own meaning and opinions," says Brett Berk, early childhood expert and author of "The Gay Uncle's Guide to Parenting."
So you're really leading by example.
"I would advocate affirming your beliefs with your kids and the grandparents," Berk says. "But since fighting with your in-laws in front of your children creates needless drama, undermines all of the adults' much-needed authority, and will likely end up muddling your intended message, you should do so separately, after the fact, and in a stern but straightforward way."
If you want to further send the message home, Berk says, you might ask your child if he or she would like to talk to the offending relative about the matter. (Offer to accompany the child, of course.) This shows that it's OK -- important, in fact -- to stand up for your beliefs, but that sometimes a different setting or later occasion can make a more powerful point.
