Some readers insist that my endorsing the use of the ungrammatical word "who" instead of "whom" ("Who are the Twins playing today?") leads them down the road to perdition.
So, I now summon the tradition of the Brothers Grimm: They wrote about a young girl who, having been lured through a forest toward danger, found her way back to safety, having strewn a path of peas and lentils to guide her home.
I try to strew enough peas and lentils to help all of us writers make what we write say what we mean. If we stray a bit from the path, from time to time, we risk admonishment, if not ridicule. But it's important to know the path of righteousness, and pretty much to stay on it.
A reader in St. Paul chimes in:
"Yes, I'm with you; we each have our sacred cows, and we're all willing to add a bit of lubricant to the long slope into grammar hell, at least occasionally. But be assured, in the end, we will be required to spend some time in grammar purgatory before being allowed to hang out with Shakespeare and Dante."
Examples from readers citing descents into linguistic underworld:
- Lunch will be provided following burial in the church basement.
- He no longer runs, skis or bikes to prevent falls.
Writers of those lines knew exactly what they meant, but failed to say clearly. Quick fix: Start the first sentence with "Following burial, lunch ..." and the second with "To prevent falls."
Another reader spotted this sign for a fundraiser in Canada:
- "Fight Children With Diabetes."
How? Pelt them with M&Ms? Ply them with brownies?
Next: people in high places who use highfalutin language, to wit, this from a network news anchor:
- "I was of the understanding the two sides had agreed."
How about saying, "I understand"? Besides coming down to earth, you eliminate the weak verb "was."
- Similarly inflated: a judge who threatens to "impose incarceratory punishment." Imposing a jail sentence will do.
Well, we've come to the end of the trail of peas and lentils for this week.
Gary Gilson conducts writing workshops online. He can be reached through his website: www.writebetterwithgary.com.
