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Q I know I'm good at what I do, but sometimes I just feel over my head. How can I maintain my self-confidence?
A No matter how good you are, nagging self-doubt can haunt you. But you can take steps to keep it at bay or defuse it.
The inner game
Start by addressing negative inner messages. Perhaps they once served a purpose, preventing unsafe risks. Or they may be echoes from your upbringing. No matter how benign they once were, now they're out of date. Thoughts that hold you back need to be released so you can move forward. But don't beat yourself up. Thinking "I'm so stupid for doubting myself" isn't going to help.
Pay attention, too, to whether your diminished confidence extends to your speech or behavior. Watch for phrases that show unneeded uncertainty ("I'm not sure if this is on track, but...").
Then focus on the positive, listing the tangible and intangible contributions you make at work. This is for personal use only, so don't worry if it feels like bragging. If it's hard to think of good things, consider what you'd say about yourself if you were describing someone else. Ask other people, or think about what your best friend might say about your skills and the value you bring. This list will be the material you use to anchor yourself in your achievements.
The outer game
Thoughts are habit-forming. And they affect your external reality. Choosing positive thoughts will make a difference in how you view your performance at work.
It's not as hard as it may sound. The trick is catching it when you're doubting yourself, and replacing your negative thought with a positive. For example, move from "eventually they'll figure out that I don't know what I'm doing" to "I'm in this role because of the value I bring." (It may sound a bit corny to deliberately think positive thoughts, but there's solid evidence of the value of this approach.)
Form a practice of checking in every day to see how well you did. The more light you keep on the topic, the more able you'll be to change the behavior. Look for patterns -- certain settings or people who trigger lower confidence levels. Then prepare for them by boosting your confidence in advance. Review your strengths, focusing on those that are relevant to the situation at hand, and be prepared to defuse negative thoughts.
You might make a mistake -- a prime trigger for loss of confidence. But an error doesn't equal lack of competence. Be particularly careful not to overinterpret the issue. Move from "I can't do anything right" to "how can I learn from this?"
This isn't to say that you don't have any areas for improvement. Everyone does. However, they don't need to be perceived as weaknesses and don't need to dominate your self-concept. Nor does confidence need to be confused with arrogance.
The last word
Your success isn't a fluke, and you're not an imposter waiting to be discovered. Practice believing in your talents, and confidence will follow.
What challenges do you face at work? Send your questions to Liz Reyer, a credentialed coach and president of Reyer Coaching & Consulting in Eagan. She can be reached at liz@deliverchange.com or 651-398-4765. Questions also can be submitted at www.deliverchange.com/coachscorner.
