Dear Amy: I've come to increasingly view Mother's Day with sadness.
Another of these days has come and gone, and my husband staunchly believes that he need not even do so much as say, "Happy Mother's Day" to me. He also doesn't remind our kids to acknowledge me, so for many years they have said nothing to me.
It's not that he forgets. We typically devote the day to visiting our own mothers. But when I have asked him about his lack of acknowledgment of me, he shrugs and says, "You're not my mother."
I'm not after candy or flowers, but just hearing some words from him. Am I being self-centered?
Amy says: Mother's Day is intended as a day of appreciation and celebration, but also seems to sow a lot of sadness and confusion.
Surely, Mother's Day and Father's Day are the most awkward days of the year. If we're parents, are we only supposed to celebrate our own parents? What about grandparents? What is expected of stepchildren who have multiple parents? What about mothers who grieve the loss of a child — or their own mother?
Your husband is a lost cause. He is willfully handing you something he knows you'll feel bad about. You should prompt your children: "You might think it's lame or unimportant, but a text or a call on Mother's Day would make me very happy."
Picky eaters
Dear Amy: My wife and I eat out often and sometimes end up with something that we simply can't eat or truly don't enjoy (e.g., tough meat, too spicy, over-salted, etc.). So we send it back and order something else.
Even though the returned meal is taken off the bill, we always make a point of including the price of it as part of the gratuity.
To my amazement, several family members are appalled that we would return a meal. They feel that we should stay quiet and simply pay for whatever we order, even if it is nearly inedible or tastes terrible. They argue that it's unfair to the restaurant and kitchen staff if something is returned and taken off the bill.
We reply that the kitchen staff is paid by the hour, so they get paid for cooking both meals. And the server gets a tip for having delivered both meals.
I'd be interested in your input on this matter.
Amy says: You don't mention the restaurant's stake in this. If the food was improperly prepared or contains ingredients you can't safely eat, then you should send it back. Restaurants want their patrons to enjoy their food. It's good for business.
But if you order chicken and upon receiving it announce, "Hmm, I just decided that I'm in the mood for a steak, instead" then you don't have a drumstick to stand on.
Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.
