Dear Miss Manners: My husband is a very sweet, good-natured guy. But lately, he keeps upsetting me with an annoying (and, in my view, very inconsiderate) habit. He loves taking photos of me, including candid photos when I don't realize he is taking them.
I accept it is part of who he is. The really upsetting part is that he sometimes posts these photos on social media without my consent, even if I find them embarrassing. I never find out until after these pictures are sent.
I have repeatedly tried to explain that this upsets me and is an invasion of my privacy. I also explained that some moments are intimate and should be left between us. But he claims the photos are "cute" or "beautiful" and that I shouldn't mind.
The last two times he did this, I felt rage. What do I do?
Gentle reader: He is not all that sweet and good-natured if his idea of fun is to hound, upset and embarrass his wife. This is not "part of who he is," as you assert; it is something he chooses to do.
Miss Manners suggests that you stop arguing about the photographs and instead find out why your husband thinks it is all right to annoy and upset you.
Asking for too much
Dear Miss Manners: My son-in-law, Liam, has been asked to be the best man at the wedding of his friend Cody. In the past three years, Cody and Liam have communicated, at most, three or four times via text.
Cody has asked Liam to throw a five-day destination bachelor party. Not only that, he and his fiancée are asking the members of the wedding party to fly to Austria for their "first" wedding, stay there for six days, then travel to Italy for their "second" wedding and stay there for another six days. And of course, they also are expected to bestow a gift on the couple.
My daughter figures attending the weddings would cost them about $20,000, and that's without the bachelor party. They also would have to take their young son with them.
Liam is afraid that if he says no, he will lose Cody as a friend, while my daughter is telling him that Cody already isn't his friend. (I'm trying to stay out of it.) If she is successful in convincing Liam not to participate in this fiasco, how can he back out gracefully?
Gentle reader: It is hard for Miss Manners to imagine that anyone would accept these terms — let alone still want to be friends with the person who set them. All Liam has to say is, "I'm sorry, but I had no idea what this would involve. I simply can't do it. We wish you all the best."
"Miss Manners" is Judith Martin of the Washington Post. Send questions to her website, missmanners.com or to dearmissmanners@gmail.com.
