Dear Amy: I've been dating a man for seven months. He is absolutely wonderful. We are even talking about marriage, except that we don't see eye-to-eye on politics. We resolved to adopt a "we have different viewpoints, but we support each other" rule.
Yesterday, I hesitantly asked, "Are you vaccinated against COVID?" I was almost scared to hear his answer because I knew what it would be, and, sure enough, he has not been vaccinated.
It is my fault for not having this conversation earlier in the relationship, because I have lupus and am taking several immunosuppressive medications. With the newest COVID variant being so contagious, I am very worried that he will end up catching it, and then I would catch it.
When I asked if he would get vaccinated for me, he said "No," and gave me a long list of political reasons why. How do I explain how important this is to my health?
I have five kids, all under the age of 18, from my previous marriage. With my health issues, I already worry about leaving my children behind too soon.
Should I just throw away a relationship that finally makes me happy? Should I end it over political differences?
Amy says: You see this issue as being about politics, but you're the person with lupus and five children. You're the person already worried about your life being shortened by your autoimmune disease.
So this isn't about politics. This is about science, safety and health — your health. If he cared about your health, he would do everything possible to guard it.
My question is: Why don't you care more about your health? You have a serious chronic illness. You are medically vulnerable. You also have five children who need you.
It is an unfortunate situation, but your guy already has made a choice. He's fine with it. Now it's your turn.
Old friends, new strife
Dear Amy: I have been friends with "Charlotte" for 35 years. Nine years ago, because we were both widowed, we agreed to rent an apartment together.
At first it was wonderful. Then. slowly but surely, she began to criticize and correct me, especially in front of my children and friends. She even has done this in front of my clients (part of the year, we work in the same office).
I have repeatedly told her how this makes me feel, but then she says I'm being childish and overreacting.
How do I get her to stop? This has affected our friendship to the point where I can't stand being around her. Is this a sign of senility, or is she being a bully?
Amy says: This behavior could be a sign of senility, certainly if you have asked Charlotte not to belittle and correct you and she continues to do so. However, aside from telling her how this makes you feel, you don't report actually asking her to stop doing it.
It might be time for you two to have a serious heart-to-heart. I'm talking about a meeting around the kitchen table where you review your living arrangement to see if it is still viable.
Charlotte's ongoing critique of you might indicate that she has grown unhappy with being your roommate. You obviously are unhappy.
If you decide to continue as roommates, you should tell Charlotte that moving forward you expect her not to criticize you in front of others, and if she persists you will remind her publicly to stop.
Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.
