Dear Amy: In January, my best friend of 30 years and I had a falling out, and this was not the first one we've had over the years.
I sent texts, checking on her health during the pandemic, with no response. Finally, two weeks ago, she contacted me.
She's getting married and she said she couldn't decide whether to invite me.
I told her that either way I would understand; it's her day, not mine.
I didn't hear back.
She messaged me tonight, asking if I'd like to attend her wedding, adding that I'm invited, but not my fiancé or my children.
I've never felt comfortable around her other friends, as she behaves very differently around them. (This behavior is what has caused us to fall out multiple times.)
Now I don't know whether I should attend. On the one hand, I'd like to be there, because we've known each other since the first grade. I love her family, but I'm worried I'll receive the same treatment from her and her friends that I have experienced before.
NOT going might be better than going. I wouldn't want to go and then regret it.
However, I appreciate that she got over her pride and invited me.
What do I do? What should I say?
I don't want to hurt her, but I also feel like after the last falling out, we'll never be close again.
Amy says: Your friend has been open about her reluctance to have you attend her wedding. Her reluctance has been underscored by the ungracious way she extended the invitation, and the parameters she has imposed.
Additionally, you don't really want to go.
I'd call that a mutual parting of the ways.
You do not need to bring the hammer down on this friendship, because it is quite obviously waning. You could respond, "I'm so happy for you; I know this will be a wonderful celebration. I appreciate the invitation, but unfortunately, I won't be able to make it. I'll be thinking of you on the big day."
Send Ask Amy questions via e-mail to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
