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Dear Amy: I was with my former partner for several years. He traveled often for work.

We had what I thought was a very happy relationship and were both professionally and financially successful.

We bought a home together when I was close to completing my master's degree.

A week after moving in, I discovered he'd been essentially living a double life with another woman (with children) who lived nearby. They were planning to take a "family trip" together (including her kids and parents). She knew nothing of me.

I then learned that his affairs had been going on for years, and that he'd also had trysts with strangers (men and women). In addition to all this, he possessed tons of "upskirt" photos of various young women who were obviously being photographed surreptitiously.

When I would inquire about his trips and why he wouldn't answer his phone when he traveled, he would accuse me of being crazy.

After this shocking discovery, I immediately left him.

After moving out, I ran a background check, and discovered that years ago, he was charged (but not convicted) of molesting a minor "younger than 12."

In light of what I now know about him, I am extremely concerned.

I don't know what to do with this information.

Should I reach out to the women whose contact information I have, and prompt them to look him up and do with the information what they will regarding their own children?

I have been wrestling with this question for nearly a year. I don't want to behave as a woman scorned, but I do often think about what harm he could be capable of, and it weighs on my conscience that I've remained silent.

Amy says: I wouldn't describe your situation as "a woman scorned" so much as "a woman not warned." The minute you learned about your guy's double life, you packed up and left the relationship. Good for you!

Fully examine your motives. If your sole motive is to spare another woman what you went through or protect her children, then warn her.

Understand that when you attempt to warn another woman about your ex, you must not defame him. Report only about what happened to you and the facts you know and urge any woman who has questions to also do a background check, especially if she has children.

Your ex will probably portray you as "a woman scorned." It is likely that he is gaslighting his current partners the way he did you, but your strength now is in not caring what he thinks of you.

Health comes first

Dear Amy: My niece is getting married in two months.

It is an indoor wedding. I love her dearly, but do not feel safe attending anything where people will be eating and talking without masks.

What is the right thing to do? I have many health issues and have not been going places during this pandemic.

Amy says: People have varied responses to the CDC recommendations during the pandemic, but — social obligations or desires aside — you have an absolute obligation to guard your own health.

The right thing to do is to decline the invitation if you don't feel comfortable attending. Send them a warmly worded note (and a gift, if you want).

It isn't necessary for you to lay on too many details regarding why you won't be attending, but wish them well and tell them that you look forward to seeing them in person as soon as you get the "all clear."

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