In honor of the breaking news (nice work, Judd!) that Brett Favre is apparently finally ready to call it quits, we leaf back through the pages of fake history via The Onion's "Our Dumb Century." The year: 1977. The headline (pictured): Elvis Dead: Is Elvis Alive? And now, a comparison between that story and one we made up about Favre. Elvis Presley, "The King of Rock and Roll," was found dead in his Graceland mansion Tuesday, raising the question: Is Elvis alive?
At 4:15 p.m. EST, a friend discovered Presley on the bathroom floor, surrounded by empty syringes. The cause of death, Shelby County coroners said, was a massive drug overdose.
Said Coroner Bertrand McAlister, "The fact that he wasn't breathing, that he was cold and colorless in appearance and that his heart was not beating, led me to wonder, 'Could he be alive?'"
Within an hour of the discovery of Presley's body, news of the beloved entertainer's death spread across the nation, prompting millions of fans to think Presley was still alive.
"They said Elvis died of a massive drug-induced coronary. They also said that huge amounts of heroin, Demerol, codeine and alcohol were found in his system," Nashville resident Francine Rae said. "Something just doesn't add up."
Presley's body is scheduled to be buried at Graceland this week. As a result, fans have vowed to keep an eye out for Presley all over the country in the coming decades.
Brett Favre, "The Ol' Gunslinger," has reportedly permanently retired to his Hattiesburg estate Tuesday, raising the question: Will Favre play for the Vikings in 2010? Late Monday, he apparently began telling members of the Vikings that he would not be back. The cause of retirement, Favre apparently said, was an ankle that isn't healing properly.
Said Favre last month: "Maybe it never gets to where I want it to be. Forty years old ... three surgeries ... that's all you need to know."
Within minutes of the news breaking to football fans across the nation, millions thought the quarterback was merely prepping for another comeback.
"Brett Favre has already retired twice, only to come back. He's threatened retirement numerous other times. Sure he'll turn 41 during the season and has a badly beaten body, but something just doesn't add up," fans said in unison.
Favre apparently has no plans at this point to travel to Minnesota. As a result, fans have vowed to keep an eye out for signs of him in Mankato in the coming weeks.
