He scampered across the stage. He lay flat on his back. He took sips of branded water.
In his dark suit and tie, Jerry Seinfeld, 62-year-old master comic and keen observer of human foibles, got something of a workout onstage Friday at the Orpheum Theatre in Minneapolis.
In the third of his four sold-out shows at a venue that he has played many times — "I love Minneapolis," he said to rapturous applause — Seinfeld was in excellent form. He tried out new material on a spellbound crowd, and he never missed.
Seinfeld, who will soon have a new show on Netflix, talked about things of primal interest. Food and sex occupy 99 percent of the human brain, he said. All our achievements come from that 1 percent. Imagine what we could accomplish with just 1 percent more brain space!
"What's the difference between food and sex?" Seinfeld asked. "Well, obviously, the relationship we have with food has less friction, less conflict. Whatever you want to do, food wants to do it, too.
"I never had a bag of Doritos … that wasn't in the mood to open," he said. "Or M&Ms go, 'Hold on, this is going a little too fast.'… I never had a cupcake say, 'Put me down, you're disgusting!' "
Seinfeld spoke about "the device dictatorship" we live under, demonstrating how we equate, subconsciously, our energy levels with the amount of juice left on our mobile phones.
As he delivered with flawless timing, he was, by turns, a philosopher speaking about the meaning, or lack thereof, of our lives. He also played psychiatrist, diagnosing our restlessness as we get antsy to get places and, once there, grow anxious to leave.
Seinfeld also was a linguist. He pondered the contradiction of a "doughnut hole."
"It's actually a doughnut plug," he quipped.
He parsed the expression "to the best of my knowledge," which means, he said, "I have knowledge, but not this." What about just answering "no," he asked.
Finally, he spoke about where he is now. As he's gotten older, he also has grown more confident and honest, he said. "When you're in your 60s, people ask you to do something, you just say no," he said.
He's been married for 17 years and has three kids. Sometimes, they come into their parents' bed, he said. He likened that experience to "sleeping next to a laundry bag that has a goat tied to it."
Comic Mario Joyner opened for Seinfeld with a 15-minute set about flight attendants and coffee as the biggest drug cartel in the world. He joked about being single at his age (55), and how a midlife crisis for him is more like Christmas.
Rohan Preston • 612-673-4390
@rohanpreston
