I recently attended a memorial service for a renowned University of Minnesota research professor — a true legend in his field. Person after person who got up to speak about him commented on how he was interested in them, took them under his wing, cleared a path for them and stayed involved in their careers. This was a busy guy — he published 70 papers after his retirement — yet he was remarkably generous. I suspect he died happier than he would have been had he been more protective of his time.
I realized that our actions are often contrary to our happiness. We may have wealth and be unhappy, be healthy and unhappy, be smart and unhappy, be secure and unhappy. We are hoarders, not just unwilling to discard our money, but also protecting our time, our reputations, our stories. All too often this gets in the way of our end goal of happiness.
A client was breaking up with a longtime business partner because he wanted to go out on his own. He understood that by doing so, he would cause issues for his soon-to-be-former partner. The business could have been split evenly, but he decided that he wanted to take less because of the inconvenience he caused his longtime partner. This was an act beyond financial generosity, this was an act of compassion. Not only could he empathize with the discomfort he was causing his partner, but he did something about it. I contrast this with the number of divorces I see where hoarding may have not only been an aspect of the divorce, but it caused both parties to lose sight of the happiness goal. Getting what you deserve isn't always a good thing.
Have you looked at the people on the corner at stop lights holding up their signs? We've been instructed not to give money to them for a variety of reasons. But when you see them, what story do you need to create in order to not be generous? Prosocial behavior often makes us feel good, but in this case we need to resent these beggars so as to not help them. A friend squared not wanting to give them money with not doing anything by looking them in the eye and handing them a protein bar. Whether this was succumbing to guilt or not, it certainly makes her more comfortable and happier at the stop lights.
The professor helped people whose work could surpass his. Yet he was equally ambitious about tending to the needs of others as to his own. He didn't hoard his reputation; he generously gave it away, because he realized that sharing his success with others would make him happy.
Spend your life wisely.
Ross Levin is the founding principal of Accredited Investors Inc. in Edina.
